Tag Archives: friends

the lie of loneliness

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This past weekend marked my 28th year of life (I can’t believe I am now 28, I have lived 28 years! What?!). I started the beginning of my 29th year surrounded by almost 400 people for three days.

And at one point I felt completely alone. Growing up living with 10 other people in my immediate family, feeling lonely is a very rare occurrence for me. I grew up extroverted, and have never lacked family or friends. This emotion of being lonely was totally foreign, and also a huge fat lie.

For the first time, I felt like I had too many friends. It took me 28 years, but I had this feeling of finally reaching my limit— the capacity cut off.

You know how Jesus had the inner circle of 3 disciples that he kept extra close out of the 12? I would choose 6 people. Instead of 12 disciples, I would choose 24. In fact, right now if I were to pick bridesmaids out of my girlfriends (this is how the female brain works before you get married) the closest of the close, I would probably only be able to narrow the number down to 18. And that is just females; do you know how many amazing guy friends I have? I am blessed.

Friday night I left work and headed to New Philadelphia’s yearly church-wide retreat. I made it just in time for the evening message. Since the retreat had started the day before, I felt like I did a cannon ball jump into the water instead of slowly getting my feet wet, then wading up to my ankles, my knees, my thighs (the water gets so cold at that point!), and so on. It was good, but a little disorienting.

After the message, friends that weren’t too busy serving, or drunk in the spirit, bombarded me with birthday wishes and hugs and love. But then there were so many people I didn’t get to see, it felt like I saw no one at all. We had our small group session time. I told them it was my birthday, why? Why, as humans— do we need to make everything about us? I am seriously so selfish in the flesh sometimes a lot. I want everyone to be my friend, and I want everyone to love me, and I wanted everyone to know that it was my birthday so therefore it is the best day on the calendar and please be happy that I was born on this day almost three decades ago, and love me, and notice me, and give me presents, and love me!

But, if I had seen and talked to all the people who I wanted to… would I have even had a real conversation in such a short amount of time? The next day of the retreat during the free time I wanted to hang out with everyone, but I realized that if I had done that I would have ended up hanging out with no one. I felt burdened and sad. How silly.

I am loved. I have so many people who love me. I am not alone. I am surrounded. I had great conversations with some people and I had fun jokes and quick hugs with others. I met new people and loved it. I don’t have a cut-off, I don’t have a limit, because God’s love and joy that flows through me and from me is never-ending. I just needed to realize that I need to fill myself up by spending time with him, if I want to spend time with other people and not lose that joy. I also realized that I still want to be friends with everyone, I just can’t help it. But I also want to be fully present and invest in the lives of those who invest in me. I will learn a balance. Eventually.

birthday donut
Our school loves the teachers so much, they buy the employees donuts for the whole staff on every birthday. The birthday winner gets a special heart donut, I was so excited I bit into before I got a picture, hehe.

birthday cards and cake
Megan surprised me with a cake and the K-2 grade students poured into my room singing during lunch break with a bunch of beautiful home-made cards.

rachel cake

You can tell that I had a student take the above picture^^ One of my student’s had her mom make me brownie cupcakes because she knew that I prefer them over cake. She was super super super excited to give them to me. I love being a teacher!

Image

At the retreat! Having dinner with my Emmaus girls. SERIOUSLY LOVE THEM.

I have more pictures of the retreat that I will post later; these are pictures from my phone. My students treated me like a princess all month leading up to my birthday— they were the stinkin’ cutest things ever. Being a teacher when your birthday rolls around is the BEST OCCUPATION to have. Hands down.

When I come home.

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I know I am home when three laptops cannot be on the same internet connection at my parent’s house at the same time/even when I am the only one on I have to wait five minutes for a page to load (slight exaggeration, slight).

I can/have to drive everywhere, and end up wishing for the subway after three days.

I am weirded out by “small-town” talk at the grocery store.

I eat a home-cooked meal every single night. sigh… (I may have had steak three times my first week home, whahaha).

I eat Chinese food, American/Chinese food!

The beach is only an hour away, and the pool is in my backyard.

I am in weddings.

I get woken up at 6:55 a.m. by my niece and nephew. I have never loved not sleeping in until now.

I er, Jordan makes pizza.

I listen to the radio.

I miss rice.

I miss walking.

I buy teaching supplies. Can’t WAIT to get my stapler.

I laugh until I cry talking about “No pants Noah” and “No top Travis”.

I create memories to hold me over until next summer with my friends and family (though it never does “hold me over”), and I love every second of it.

I enjoy life to the fullest, just as I do in Korea, when I come home…^^

The Bump

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There was no hesitation at all when Stef asked me to take maternity pictures of her and her baby bump (oh, and with Joe too— I guess^^)… Most of you know that I started taking my hobby of snapping pictures more seriously once I invested in a DSLR. It took me a long time, but I finally started calling myself a photographer. And the more you practice and work at something, the better you get. I am pretty proud of these pictures…

Plus, spending a day taking shots of two of my best friends since college was an absolute blast. Here is a sneak peek of our photo shoot, these are some of my favorite shots…

   

Stef’s favorite:

My friends’ are goofballs (I may have suggested this pose^^):

Joe had to get a few shots in of his own, this is just one of those:

  

and my personal favorite:

On being LOVED.

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I already dedicated a ridiculously long post to my 27th birthday. It doesn’t really need any more attention. What I will draw attention to, is the fact that I have all-star friends. I am talking, over the fence, out of the park (and beyond) type of all-star friends. And when you live on the opposite side of the world as your family (and the friends whom you call family), having a community that loves you, flaws and all, is vital.

God didn’t create us to be alone.

As soon as this video played on Saturday at my birthday dinner, I burst into tears (I had friends who I met when I first came to Korea three years ago that had never seen me cry, so… it’s kind of a big deal), I have no words to express how beautiful my friends are— inside and out!

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, especially Jee Young and Dyanne, I can’t believe you all made me cry!

Slice of Life is hosted every Tuesday by Two Writing Teachers, join us!

memoirs of my 27th birthday.

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May 18th, 2012

I honestly, and wholeheartedly, wanted to write a post yesterday. Being that yesterday marked the start of my 27th year on earth (or I mean, the end of my 27th year? I just really confused myself… you turn one after you have been alive a whole year— so now I have been alive 27 years, so it’s the end, right?), anyway… I am now 27.

An account of my day, to remember years down the road, as this is the closest thing I have to a journal:

I walked to work decked out in mascara (a rarity) and iron curled hair (that deflated within the hour-why doesn’t hair spray work?), sporting a lovely flowered dress. You have to look good on your birthday, you know? As I went to open my classroom door a balloon almost hit me in the face, I looked up and eight colorful balloons had been taped to my door (surrounding my “welcome to second grade” poster). Smiling I walked across my room, and saw a post-it note stuck on my computer screen that read, “Play as often as possible”, opened in my internet browser was New Kids on the Block’s version of “Happy Birthday” (which I had never heard before— so, so great!). Then (I am actually noticing everything one step at a time, since I am not the most observant person in the world) I see the gift bag. Nailholic Magazine (yes-such a thing exists!), bedazzlement nail kit, and the BIGGEST heart-shaped reeses peanut butter cup I have ever seen! I turn around-stunned- and see that I have completely missed the happy birthday banner taped underneath my whiteboard/smartboard, decorated with balloons on either side. I head over to the person responsible— the third grade teacher and great friend Joëlle. She had to have rolled into school EARLY to surprise me— knowing I arrive at work anywhere from 7-7:30! (She normally gets to work at 7:45ish).

Just when I start to recover one of my students walks in with a life-size balloon PERSON. My obvious teacher replacement for the day, as no one should work on their birthday— right? Pictures posted below :) Another student’s mom walks in with a home-made strawberry tart. I think I gained at least ten pounds yesterday. A student from last year (as if she remembered my birthday!) shows up with a box wrapped in PURPLE (best color) and gave me a collection of lip gloss, the extra sparkly one is my favorite. Today another one of my student’s from last year made sure to give me a gift (of CHOCOLATE) when he realized my birthday was the day before… being a teacher on your birthday is THE BEST JOB. In the past I have worked on several of my birthdays— you just don’t get the same love in the restaurant business, haha.

Jee Young and Dyanne make sure to stop by with warm hugs to start my already insane day. Elaine hands me “present number one”; a giant cookie, chocolate mini-muffins, and a beautifully written card telling me how great I am. As the day gets started Adrienne shows up and hands me breakfast (what?!), chocolate chip pancakes— start drooling, they were delish.

It’s not even nine o-clock yet. I walk back into my classroom to grab my water (my kids were over in Elaine’s room rehearsing for our upcoming musical) and there is the most interesting looking “cake” sitting on my desk. Kit Kats forming a circle, held up by a peanut butter concoction, and the center is filled with m & m’s (like I said, ten pounds). Two cards are on my desk from my “birthday buddy”— at work among the teachers, we have secret birthday buddies, only I had a feeling I was going to guess who mine was! Not only was there this ridiculously good tasting “cake”, there was also a beautiful bracelet.

I start receiving anonymous e-mails from a birthday buddy email account. How creative is that? Definitely the give-away though, since my friend (and co-worker) Steph and I are obsessed with watching movie trailers in our free time— she kept me supplied with emails throughout the day linked to trailers of movies I haven’t seen yet, as well as old classics that never die. Steph went above and beyond the call of birthday buddy!

One of my student’s driver shows up (yes, a lot of them have their own “drivers”) in the middle of the day to bring me flowers. Then, Jee Young stops by as the school day is winding down to hand me her “gift number one” (receiving gifts in installments is seriously great!), she discovered an Etsy site where you can custom order stationary (and she talks about it here— check it out!).

Holding my half-eaten strawberry tart in one hand, and my nearly demolished kit kat cake in the other, I start to head for home… then have to turn back because I forgot to print stuff out for small group. I end up ditching, er finishing the dishes and leaving half an hour later with my bouquet of flowers instead.

Leading small group on my birthday was another huge blessing. Yoonjung hosted it at her amazing apartment in Itaewon. She cooked us dinner and we ate it on her terrace, overlooking the city and watching the night steal across the sky— gifting us with the glow of every building and car. It was so calm, and quiet— we all felt like we had escaped Seoul and were in San Francisco! Ashley snapped pics for me all night as I DIDN’T BRING MY CAMERA (who am I? I always have my camera). Kristin showed up with cake, PURPLE cake. We laughed, we ate, we read our Bible, we ate some more, we prayed, we grew. Three and a half hours later I panicked because it felt like only thirty minutes had gone by and I needed to catch the subway home.

My birthday ended with my nose buried in a book one of my student’s recommended me to read (The Lightning Thief) during library time today, he can’t even read it yet, he just told me his brother loved it.

What’s on the agenda for tomorrow? Oh, yeah. My birthday PARTY. Hahahaha, I am incredibly blessed. I might start crying (but I am on my period so that would totally be acceptable— and the is not TMI, since this is my journal, hehe).

 

I accidentally started eating the kit kat cake before I took a picture!

definitely, maybe.

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and there goes five weeks. oh man, did that go by fast… as it always does! in between traveling through 19 states (and stopping by our good neighbor Canada-huggsies! the niagara falls is totally better on your side), I attended a wedding, went to a baby shower, celebrated birthdays, wrote a thesis (haha… just kidding, but I started my grad school project document!) and just ‘hung out’ with some pretty amazing people.

but watch out, summer isn’t over yet! tomorrow (today? Tuesday.) I head back to Korea (with bags full of teaching supplies and chick peas… I am totally addicted to hummus) where I will be for about two full days before I leave again. NEPAL. I am so excited for this mission trip.

I am pretty sure I haven’t fully wrapped my mind around leaving my family yet though. tonight my mom cooked up an amazing last meal for me (steak and mashed potatoes with corn and homemade bread- all my favorites! not to mention homemade ice cream with brownies and strawberries for dessert, SO YUM) and we ended the night with watching Definitely, Maybe. I freaking LOVE chick flicks ^^. It felt so normal. Just to be here. Hang out by the pool, drive to a bonfire, worship with my family at The Point (my church in MI), and then tomorrow I fly halfway around the world again.

I have such a blessed life, to be able to have such amazing people who love me all over the world. Already missing my family and friends on this side!

driving miss daisy

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I lost seven thousand won today…

I have officially turned one year older since my last post. I am no longer a quarter of a century old. Though, to be quite honest, I often forget how old I am due to Koreans having a different system of keeping track of their age. They are one-years-old when they are born, and then everyone turns a year older in the new year. Which means if I were to go by the Korean system I would be 27, and on January 1st I would turn 28? Yeah, I still don’t get it… there are times in this country when someone asks me how old I am  (trust me, it happens a lot) and I have to think about it really hard, because sometimes I can’t remember.

I don’t think I will be forgetting my 26th birthday anytime soon though. Not only did fb give my secret away to my students (I may or may not sometimes have fb up during my break times at school… I am a hard worker, leave me alone!) when an invite to an event popped up and said, “Melody’s 26th Birthday!” … “Umm… Ms. Welton, I think I know how old you are.” I turned to see one of my girls smiling at me as she got out her notebook to start her morning work. MAN, I was able to keep it a secret ALL YEAR. Back to “not only did” (top of the paragraph), but I also had an amazing two full days celebrating my birthday (times zones, parties, love it), which is so cool, who wants just one day? It should be your birthday week!

There was this one summer back in college when I had to go home and live with the parents again (oh, the dorms…). I found a way to cope with my loss of independence (okay, my parents were very trusting, I really didn’t lose that much) through bike riding. I met my friend, Chris Howarth (you are so cool), every morning to go bike riding down a trail that ran through the heart of our small town.

I met him on a borrowed bike from the fam, since my purple ten-speed bike from my younger years always had something wrong with it. The day after I bought it I am not sure if a sibling was jealous or a hummingbird was really mad, but it had what could be described as sharp nail marks all down its brand new painted surface. It made me so sad to look at. It also had a flat tire for about five years and I didn’t know how to change it.

After that summer of bike riding love I took a bike my dad found in one of his empty apartments (that he rents out) back with me back to Kalamazoo with the hopes of riding more, then I realized how dangerous the area I lived in was (a gang fight may or may not have broken out over my car, men leaping, me screaming, fun times). That dream died.

Then I came to Korea. Last summer I discovered that you can rent bikes near the Han River by the hour. I made different people go riding with me every Saturday (for some reason the same people didn’t want to spend EVERY saturday waking up early to beat the crowd…weird!), it is my ultimate favorite thing to do in Seoul.

jee young and me biking along the han river last fall.

I kept telling myself that I needed to buy a bike. I wanted to buy a bike. I found the PERFECT bike. I named her driving miss daisy (I like uncapitalized names, don’t hate). I took a picture of her on my iPhone (which has successfully been returned to me! did you hear??? LOVE KOREA) and showed anyone who would look at me. This is her! And yet… I didn’t go buy her. I thought about the college loans I still had to pay off, and my next credit card bill. And so, I didn’t buy her.

THEN I GOT HER! Along with many other amazing gifts from family and friends (my awesome plaid scarf from a best friend back home who had no idea I was doing a plaid themed birthday, a colorful apron from mama k -by the way, what are you trying to say? I need to learn how to cook?!- beautiful jewelry my momma bought for me to support women who made them in Uganda, an inspirational artistic book from my sista, cards, flowers, pencil cases, magnets, nail kits… SHOOT what more could a girl ask for?).

I am ridiculously blessed!

before she was mine! I saw her hidden, not on display or anything. now she has a home.

the seven thousand won fell out of my back pocket when I took driving miss daisy out for her first spin today (it finally stopped raining!). I was looking forward to buying some pizza school pizza with that, but totally worth it ^^.

J & S rockin’ Seoul

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For the first time I have people who I know from back home invading my world in Seoul. What an experience. I am remembering things that I forgot were strange are, in fact, still strange! I am realizing that there are certain things I accept about the culture I live in now that used to blow my mind.

Justin and Shawnna arrived on Valentine’s Day (a great gift amongst all the chocolate my students showered me with as well)  and have been amazing house guests ever since. So great, in fact that I left them alone in the apartment all weekend to go to grad class. Yeah, okay that wasn’t planned.

I am now taking Justin and Shawnna to experience the wonderment that is New Philadelphia Church in Itaewon. I am THRILLED to be able to bring some friends from my church back home to my home church in Korea!

smiles

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Fact: Kids get bored easily.

Fact: Kids can be entertained by the same thing over and over and over again, not tiring (or getting bored of it) easily.

interesting.

I recently read about this blog that is dedicated to what makes people smile. Those deep, warm, melts you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, kind of smiles. It got me to thinking about how often I smile, and what I smile about.

I smile at my students, who are constantly saying ridiculous and funny things (I wish I had a mental tape recorder to plug into my computer- aka a better memory- if I don’t write them down right away I forget).

I smile over a fantastic cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. There is a coffee shop right by my apartment that I frequently go to because they warm their hot chocolate to JUST the right temperature. I am impatient (when it comes to eating and drinking hot things, when it comes to my students…well, I am working on it) and want to drink my delicious cup of chocolately goodness RIGHT AWAY and the good folks at Sugar Rings know how to hand out the cup of hot chocolate at just the right temperature for me to start drinking it and it STAYS warm until the very end. Yeah, I smile deeply over my cup of cocoa.

I smile when I worship, nothing compares to my intimate time with the big G-O-D.

I smile at the thought of my family and friends, because I love them.

I smile, really smile, when I see a father in public interacting with his son or daughter… there is something about it that tugs at my heart-strings every single time.

What makes you smile?

this boy make me smile. i took my students outside to get pictures of them looking up at the clouds. there were no clouds (the one time I want them, come on Korea...)

i like to do things.

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after two amazing fun-filled weeks of visiting family and friends and hosting a friend from korea (minkee was in michigan? yes, yes he was) and driving open country roads in the rain and snow (love michigan) and celebrating holidays -merry christmas and happy new year!- i left the mid-west and headed all the way west for a pit stop in california before coming back to seoul. i love the city of san francisco and happen to have many friends there whom I do not get to see very often (who says whom? this girl). the first day i spent hanging out with four of my boys back from the highschool days, it was hilarious to see middleville invading SF. we plan on taking over.

they took me to the pirate store.

things i did in san francisco:

i went to trader joe’s. i felt californian. (i went there purely for the purpose of buying a bottle of vanilla extract for a friend back home who specifically requested trader joe’s vanilla extract and then i proceeded to leave the bottle at my friend’s place in SF, oops…)

i ate a lot of healthy food including many vegetables. i felt very californian.

i went to the pirate store. 826 Valencia Street. Go There.

i saw a lot of dogs. my friend recently read a statistic saying that there are more dogs in san francisco than children. i totally believe that.

i took the Bart. muni. a bus. after living in seoul i am such a city girl it is laughable.

i accidentally discovered TCHO’s chocolately workshop. my sister wrote a blog post about them a while back and if she hadn’t i probably would have walked right by this place because the storefront wasn’t even finished (come on people, it’s all about appearance). but she did write the post and i did check out the store and tasted all of their samples until they kicked me out (okay, no… that didn’t actually happen). it was incredible.

i went to pier 39 (fisherman’s wharf) and saw a seal. one. it was neato still.

i walked china town.

i went up a glass elevator in one of the nicest hotels i have ever been too (erin kemp: “just act like you own the place and no one says anything”) and had a view of the entire city.

i saw two sunsets at the beach. TWO. they were pretty.

i ate indian.i ate mexican. i ate thai. i ate pizza. i ate cafe sandwiches. i ate. and ate. and ate.

i biked over the golden gate bridge.

i broke my foot (that was before china town AND the golden gate bridge… i just taped it up, no big deal) or somehow managed to seriously injure it and i dont know how.

besides the randomly damaged foot i had an amazing time. i was hosted by the greatest friends and i will go back. california, it is the place to be. what a vacation.

and now. for some pictures.

you have to try it. so so good.

this is me, before I biked across the bridge. it was a gorgeous day, i got really lucky ^^

on the bridge coming back...

it can be months or years, but we will always come back together, missed the rest of you durban peeps!

typical.

they have it so good in california... they don't even know.